Monday, September 28, 2009
Changes
One week ago today, we learned that some friends of ours from residency had lost their 2 year-old twin boys in an accident. At the very moment we received this news I knew the Kirbys and all those who love the Kirbys would never be the same. The suffering and heartache has been unimaginable, the love profound and the faith, well, nothing short of a miracle. We were unable to go to the memorial service honoring the two boys, but from what I heard it was beautiful and the parents displayed such Grace that can only be attributed to Divine intervention. In the wake of such tragedy, Scott and I have sat and re-evaluated our priorities as parents. Yes, I've said that I cherish the moments and there are seasons in my life that I am better at it than others. But in re-evaluating I have realized this...there are many times the dirty dishes in the sink have been more important than playing tea party, taking a shower meant that I had said, "no" to playing dollhouse, and making sure the kids were in bed by 8pm meant that I could punch the time clock on my day. Oh how selfish I've been at times rather than seizing an opportunity to cuddle with my children or experience them. It was easier to do with one, a little harder with two, and when the third came along I think much of our day was taken up with "my agenda". In some twisted way I reasoned that I held it all together for them, but in reality I was holding it together for me. So sad and I'm sure I'm not the only one. God meant for us to experience our children much in the way he experiences us...His own children. I'm sure he has wanted to shake me at times when I've missed some teachable moment because of my own ignorance and agenda. So in this last week, I've let each of my children stay in my lap as long as they want, savored the goodnight kisses after they have fallen asleep, and tried to follow their lead instead of creating the path for them. In the past I've said it was all about them, but it hasn't been the truth and the scary thing is that I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT! I pray that I never forget this feeling or take a loved one's life for granted again. Life as usual is not going to be usual anymore.....
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4 comments:
well said courtney. we went to the memorial service, and i can say that though the sorrow there was unbearable, the pure faith in God displayed was utterly amazing. they were broken but strong in their faith. it felt like we were in the midst of God's plan, though it is hard to understand.
i see myself in your post, i too spend too much time prioritizing my household chores, that is something i want to change.
clark and i also realized, that through these years of medical school and residency we have neglected a lot of things in the name of clark's studying, and now that it's behind us, we want to invest more in relationships with people rather than isolating ourselves.
life here on earth is filled with sorrow and sin, how i long for heaven sometimes. and rejoice those little ones are there already enjoying it!
Your post is touching, Courtney. Amen to everything you said! Thank you Lord for teaching us this invalualbe lesson. Our children are priceless. Even if we are blessed to parent them for long, full lives, they change so quickly and I wasn't taking the time to cherish the moment. Their voices. Their statements. Their joys. Their smells, features. Everything that makes each child so special. Sure I did on occasion, but I too was letting running my household interfere with loving on and appreicating the time I have with these blessings God has entrusted me with. I join you in that my heart is aching for the Kirbys in so many ways.. all I can do is pray for God's supernatural strength to sustain them through this. He is the joy giver and I go before Him and ask Him to restore their joy. Take care, friend.
Amen and amen, sweet sister. Finding balance is so hard, but boy do we ever want to look back and have a life filled with sweet memories of our kids' childhood instead of memories of an impeccably clean, cold house. I, for one, want to care less what other people will think when they show up at my front door unexpectedly and care more that my little ones want to tell me a long, drawn-out story or lie down in their bed with them while they fall asleep. Lord, order our days and slow us down.
What a great post! I saw your post on FB about the twins & googled it to find out what happened. How horrible.
Unfortunately, over the years I've learned this same lesson time & time again because, sadly, I've known far too many people who've lost children. I find myself searching for new ways to make memories with them every day. My house looks like a train wreck 90% of the time, but I don't really care. My kids know that I love them and they will grow up with a lot of amazing memories...in a dirty house. ha ha! If there is a basket of laundry in the background of every pic I post on Facebook, just overlook it, ok? :)
I don't know about all of your girls, but I know that Addy most definately knows her mama loves her. She talks about you every day at school!
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