Third Trimester Olympics (EDITED)

OK, now that I have almost completed three pregnancies (only 8 1/2 weeks until delivery, by the way), I have come to find humor in the way I must look when completing some day to day activities. My body has to contort in all sorts of directions to get some tasks done and it occurred to me things like grooming and cleaning in the third trimester could really be considered a sport as they require lots of creativity, balance and coordination. Oh, yes, and endurance. Here is a list of some of the things I would rather people I know not ever see me trying to do in this condition:


1. Painting my toe nails. I can't even put into words what kind of twisting and breath holding I have to do to get this one completed. Somehow it just gets done. I literally broke a sweat yesterday trying to do this.

2. Shaving. We have a shower stall, so I don't really have to explain this one, do I?

3. Bathing the kids. Seriously, chasing wet, slippery kids around a tub while sitting outside the tub. Let me put it this way....the belly takes about 10-12 inches away from my normal arm length and they've learned to get just out of fingertip reach.

4. Exiting a grocery store. Groceries, kids (one that is arching her back just enough to slip through my arms and no waist to stabilize against....how do they teach themselves this trick?) and the Walmart person taking her time to check the receipt on the way out. Some of the "receipt checkers" do have mercy and tell me to go on.

5. Cleaning the kitchen. I somehow always manage to come away from the sink with a water-soaked underbelly. Humorous looking, I'm sure.

6. After last night, I HAD to add another one: Turning over in bed. You can do this one of two ways a) Make 3-4 scooting motions taking your belly over the top OR b)Taking 1-2 sweeping motions allowing your belly to go under while "sweeping" the bed; however, this does involve getting up on all fours.

I exited the shower the other day and got the comment from Mary Ella, "Mom, you are getting big!" and my first thought was "Exactly what angle did you see me from????" Ahhh, the brutal honesty of a child, refreshing isn't it?